If we’re being honest, the only thing more exciting than the feast on Thanksgiving is the fact it’s socially acceptable to start imbibing before noon and spend the rest of the day in a hazy state. Alas, with Thanksgiving celebrating also comes that one family member who gets too inebriated.
If you’re toking on the down-low this Thanksgiving, make sure you’re not going to be that family member. You wouldn’t be as bad as the Drunk Uncle Bob, but you don’t want to be falling asleep in the stuffing or staring blankly into nothing either.
That’s no fun.
Well, if you’re going to be blazing this Thanksgiving, you want to do it in a way that won’t start any family drama. After all, nobody needs more of that going on!
We’ve got you covered with this stoner’s guide to Thanksgiving toking. We’ve laid out just how much you should consume in pretty much every likely Thanksgiving scenario.
If your family is on board with the green, then by all means bust out the dab rig and start bringing in the clouds. But, if they’re not so pleased with it, then these tips are for you.
The Stoner’s Guide to Thanksgiving Toking
Thanksgiving With Your Immediate Family
Maybe you’re going home to celebrate Thanksgiving with your parents and siblings. Perhaps you’re having them over to your place for family dinner. Either way, it’s just you and your immediate family. How stoned should you get? The upside here is that you’re likely to be pretty comfortable with this group of people.
Start with a wake and bake the morning of, and then keep going until your parents start to notice your eyes are glossy or people start bringing up old issues. This is a chance to be as stoned as you normally would, but while exercising your skills in acting (reasonably) sober.
Being stoned around your immediate family may lead to you opening up and discussing things that would bring you closer as a family. Or maybe it’s just nice to feel at ease talking about the events going on in your life.
Recommended Consumption: Start with a big dab in the morning, switch to taking bong rips throughout the day, and then end your evening with a cannabis dessert such as a cookie or caramel candies.
Just You and Bae
You’ve managed to dodge all the family craziness that tends to start in November. Hooray for you! Time to celebrate by staying in bed and watching comedy movies or something. There’s really no need to get any more or less stoned than you do on any other day. But, it sure is fun to go all out!
Here’s to the nachos, soda, and plenty of greenery. Bonus: Your partner is legally obligated to still think you’re cute when you drool from a dab. Those are the rules.
Recommended Consumption: Splurge on the expensive dabs or the expensive flower. You don’t have to share it with anyone but yourself and your sweetie.
You, Bae, and Bae’s Parents
You’ve made it this far, and you definitely don’t want to blow it. You’re about to spend Thanksgiving with bae’s parents for the first time. Not to freak you out or anything, but their will be a point during this dinner when bae’s parents will look you in the eye and need to determine whether or not they can trust you with their son or daughter.
Smoking too much can be a way to build or break that trust, depending on the parents. Most likely, the latter. With potential in-laws, it’s best to consume only in reaction to them. In other words, if they get a bit tipsy off the dinner wine, you can likely feel comfortable getting a bit buzzed.
Now, if they ask you if you want to smoke right off the bat — or offer to smoke with you — then we recommend you propose marriage to their son / daughter right then and there.
Recommended Consumption: Skip the dabs. Take bong rips or smoke a blunt. Maybe drink a cannabis soda in lieu of wine or champagne with dinner. If you end up getting too stoned, play it off by downing water and eating lots of dinner rolls. Don’t forget the butter!
You, Bae, and Bae’s Parents — After Several Years
You’re family now. So, is it a free-for-all? Well, no not exactly. Get as stoned as it takes for you to be comfortable and have a fun time in the company of everyone at the table, but not so stoned that you start bringing up conspiracy theories or ask your mother-in-law about aliens.
Recommended Consumption: Wake and bake with some serious dabbage before you head over to their house (or they show up to yours). Then, switch to edibles and your vape pen for the rest of the day. During dinner, swap the wine for a cannabis beverage. You’ll be feeling goooood.
Just Your Friends
This year is the time of Friendsgiving, when it’s just you and your people. (How did you manage that anyway??) Can you finally get stoned as can be in this laid-back environment? Absolutely. You don’t have to worry about impressing or pretending to like anyone. These are all of your friends, so you’re already close to them. Make this holiday one for the books.
Recommended Consumption: Dabs! Edibles! Hotbox blunt sessions! Cannabis sodas! Consume it all.
The Whole, Entire Family
The cousins are here. Your grandma is here. Hell, even your half-sister is here! Is there any amount of cannabis that can be consumed that would make this a fun experience?
The key isn’t really how much you consume, but who you consume it with. This is the best time to take one of the famous “long walks” with the cousin. Or, in a more tolerant family, head out back with a couple of blunts.
This is a great opportunity to connect with the family members you don’t get to see much, but that you actually really like. All three of them.
Recommended Consumption: Many, many blunts. As much as it takes for you to get those munchies, forget about the tension at the table, and get a smile spreading across your face. Just don’t forget the eye drops.
You’re Hosting Your Very First Thanksgiving
Pretty sure this makes you an official adult.
You’ve put together the perfect menu for this year’s Thanksgiving meal and even hit up Target for some fancy dinner wares. So, you should probably skip the dabs and stay a bit on the sober side, huh? Know your limit.
Hosting Thanksgiving is more than just cooking a meal. You’re cooking a massive amount of different types of food, for multiple people and multiple preferences. If a joint or a bong rip helps you feel less like pulling your hair out and screaming, then go for it. But, don’t get couch-locked or baked to the point of forgetting things. Nobody likes an inebriated host. And, besides, it’s your job to ensure a delicious meal makes it to the table with very few — translation: zero — casualties.
Recommended Consumption: Pack your bong early on in the day and maintain a gentle buzz throughout the day. But, for the love of all that is good, skip the heavy dabs until you don’t have to play with an oven.
Surviving Thanksgiving the Stoner Way
Having family around for Thanksgiving means answering uncomfortable questions from family (“So, are you dating anyone yet?”), running around like a headless chicken to get everything prepared, finding the perfect playlist or movie channel to keep everyone entertained, and figuring out how in the world you’re going to get stoned with them around.
The above scenarios lay out just how much cannabis you should consume, when to do so, and what in what forms. With suggestions covering everything from dabs to edibles, you want to make sure you’ve got your stash replenished before the relatives fly in.
This stoner’s guide to Thanksgiving toking will help you figure out what a good consumption limit is, so you don’t have to deal with parental lectures, conflict, and potential embarrassment.
Do you smoke with your family during Thanksgiving?
Disclaimer: Marijuana has intoxicating effects and may be habit-forming. Smoking is hazardous to your health. There may be health risks associated with consumption of Marijuana. Marijuana, in any form, should not be used by individuals that are pregnant or breastfeeding. Marijuana is intended for use only by adults 21 and older. Keep out of reach of children. Marijuana can impair concentration, coordination, and judgment. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under the influence of this drug. This product may be unlawful outside of Washington State.